Recall Voyager: We need a more American way to say Greetings.
“Hello? NASA? Anyone here?” “In the back. Behind the pallets of American Gulf Berry Energizer Drink. Are you gonna move those out?” “No. Why would we?” “I thought Trump was…
Who needs dolls when you can have coal for Christmas?
“All that talk about the BBB bill hurting the poor. It’s all BS.” “Obviously. Of course. But…let’s say, purely hypothetical, some crazy person claims that this bill hurts the poor…
The Bad End of a Bad Deal
“Can you believe all those leftists are saying that Trump is drowning his own supporters?!?” “I feel fine. I’m breathing alright, and we have the cleanest air and the cleanest…
Meet the 2028 GOP Nominee (if we are still doing elections)
“Do you see that some shitty fan heckled a baseball player about his dead mother?” “I did. It was in Chicago. He was heckling Ketel Marte about his mother. Last…
June 23 makes you crazy
We don’t talk or write about June 23 – because it is the kind of date that drives you crazy: “…Policeman Fox was alone in a private room with MacCruiskeen…
Two Weeks Is Magic
“We should go to war against Iran.” “We should not go to war with Iran.” “You are being disloyal to Trump.” “No. YOU are being disloyal to Trump.” “OK, so…
Will the presidential knees buckle from the Great Leap Forward?
“I went to Saturday’s Super Trump Tank Parade, and it was awesome. I had a whole bleacher to myself—It was like getting an empty row during a flight. Too bad…
Trump Rules Pregnancy
“Great news! I heard from a reputable source that Trump is going to birth his great big American baby this Saturday.” “Birth on his birthday. Perfect timing. All part of…
Who Gets Joe Rogan?
“When is Trump giving birth? We need that big beautiful brand-new American Baby.” “You can’t rush a Trump pregnancy. Don’t be like Elon. He got too impatient.” “You’d think that…
It works only if you remember to forget everything
“I am a little worried. We, via our support for the Trump administration, cut funding for mental health services in schools.” “Gotta trim the fat, DOGE the waste, own the…