“That guy wants to cut me off!”
“I think he’s confused by your incessant and unprovoked honking.”
“Look at him! Now he’s slowing down to let in that foreign car!!”
“I don’t want to be presumptuous, but based on your hat, I would guess you voted for Trump?”
“It was my duty and my honor.”
“I have to ask, why are you so angry? I’m sure, before 2025, you had four consecutive years of rage against Biden and vaccines and trans rights and corporate responsibility and human decency, but now you got everything you could have wanted. Trump’s elected, and he has control of a feckless Congress, with loyalists as judges and a partisan and fully compromised Supreme Court granting him full immunity for everything. So what’s the problem?”
“I don’t know. Yeah, 2025 was great, but I guess… I thought it would be different.”
“Different how?”
“Well… I thought there would be more money.”
“So you weren’t at the Capitol on January 6?”
“I wanted to go, but I was a long way from DC. At the time, I didn’t know my expenses would be covered.”
“And then some…”
“And, you know, if I’m being completely honest, January 6 felt a little icky to me, at least before I realized it was a Day of Love corrupted by undercover FBI agents.”
“You don’t HAVE to be a J6er to get those public-funded Trump bucks. George Santos and Rod Blagojevich also want a payout.”
“Between you and me, I’m not too keen on those guys.”
“Why the secrecy? Why can’t you say that?”
“Well… they were blessed by Trump. And he knows what he’s doing, right?”
“Don’t look at me.”
“Besides, they are victims of Biden. We are all Biden’s victims. And Biden is old and stupid and evil and corrupt and stupid and old…”
“Wow. You miss him, don’t you?”
“Huh?”
“Joe Biden. You got a little wistful when you mentioned him.”
“Nuh-uh. He’s the worst.”
“You say that, but it doesn’t have the same punch, does it?”
“Well… I guess things were simpler when he was in office and I could blame him for everything. I still do… I mean, he’s still responsible for everything wrong in the universe…”
“But it’s just not the same?”
[Stifles a sob] “N-no.”
“You didn’t realize how rich you were in rage bait.”
“It’s true. You can never be poor if you have Joe Biden to kick around.”
