“Reverend, I am a little concerned.”
“Yes, I too am worried. They are going to steal the election from Our Father.”
“No… well, yes, that… but right now, I am more worried about this plan of yours to show a Hollywood movie from the pulpit.”
“Have faith. Yes, we have rented a projector and screen for the nave, but this is not a random assortment from the Devil’s Factory. This is a curated selection featuring our ally Dennis Quaid.”
“Oooh! Mr. Reagan himself!”
“You got it. Many congregants come to me worried about the influence of these ‘movies’ on America and their families. So we are hosting a day featuring the films of Mr. Quaid, culminating with his brilliant performance as Reagan. You can bring your kids, bring your whole family, to see a true American on the big screen, without fear of being groomed.”
“Awesome. That’ll make the godless liberals cry.”
“We will start right after tomorrow’s sermon. We’re having fried chicken delivered so no one needs to leave for lunch and we can go right into the first feature.”
“Won’t that distract people from the genius on screen?”
“We are starting with another Quaid film…” [Check notes] “The Substance. Did you know he stars in two major films this year? The man is divinely indefatigable.”
“It’s smart to start with the Quaid equivalent of an appetizer. That way, there won’t be any distractions during the main course of Reagan. What’s this first movie about?”
“The Substance? Naturally I assumed it was a deep dive into transubstantiation and the role of the divine spirit in modern society.”
“Mmm.”
“I know that face. I too was worried it might have a little too much Catholic in it, but the distribution company assured me it is Papist-free. The film’s description doesn’t make much sense to me, but I assure you, we can put our faith in Dennis Quaid.”
“Absolutely. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Besides, once we see the Old Gipper astride his mighty steed, ushering in the next great wave of God-fearing conservatism, no one will remember that first film.”
