“Sorry, I don’t mean to embarrass you, but it looks like you walked outside with a Maxi Pad on your ear.”
“Wrong. This is a Freedom Bandage. I wear it in solidarity with our great and noble leader.”
“Huh. You know, move it a few inches forward, and it could be a mask.”
“Bite your tongue, or I’ll bite it for you!”
“What?”
“You blaspheme! The Freedom Bandage serves no medical purpose! No ‘doctor’ told me to wear this. It is in honor of our anointed ruler, who was baptized with the mighty wind that broke that bullet’s path before it could harm his massive and most important head.”
“Yeah, but… someone did die at the rally. Did the mighty wind make that happen?”
“Oh, to have the honor of dying in the great leader’s presence. ‘One day I overheard my own heart saying, If God and the Ruler were standing side by side and their hats were blown off their heads at the same time, I would pick up the one that belongs to the Ruler first … Alleluia, may my Lord and Master be praised for ever and ever, Amen.‘*”
“That’s seems excessive.”
“Shut up and take your tax cut.”
“Actually your Ruler wants to impose a 10% import tariff on all imported goods, so that would create a new, ubiquitous tax and result in higher prices on everything.”
“So he’ll fix that with another tax cut.”
“That’s not how money works.”
“It is a mystery only Daddy can solve.”
“Did you just say Daddy?”
“I can’t hear you over my Freedom Bandage!”
* Page 514 of Wizard of the Crow, by Ngũgĩ wa Thiong’o. Read it before it’s banned MFers!
