Trump Rules Pregnancy

“Great news! I heard from a reputable source that Trump is going to birth his great big American baby this Saturday.”

“Birth on his birthday. Perfect timing. All part of his genius.”

“He rules pregnancy. And he is going to give birth at the climax of his great big beautiful parade, on top of a Sherman Tank.”

“Do we still have Sherman Tanks? I thought we stopped making those…”

“There is only one type of tank, and that is a Sherman Tank.”

“OK. Got it. Calm down.”

“Sorry. It’s my PTSD.”

“From your service…?”

“From watching Saving Private Ryan.”

“Oh yeah… good film.”

“Best film ever. It is my North Star: with my last breath, I will die the same as Tom Hanks.”

“In service of your country…?”

“Cursing Matt Damon.”

“Same thing.”

“My one concern—of course Trump has dominated his pregnancy and will give the perfect birth, but he has to name this new beautiful baby Donald J. Trump Jr. Especially since they will share the same birth date. So what do we call the current Don Jr.? Old Junior? Lesser Junior?”

“It’s a good question. But I think Trump will trade Lesser Junior and JD Vance to Elon, in exchange for Joe Rogan and a UFC podcaster to be named later. Then Lesser Junior will be renamed to BIOS or CMOS or something techy like that.”

“That’s the art of the deal!”

“And Trump did it all while pregnant. Don’t know why women are always whining about it.”