“Luka is sure doing great in LA.”
“Yeah, but it’s California. Points ain’t worth as much in a nanny state with ‘firmitive action.”
“Even if that were true, Luka is a white guy, so how would that apply?”
“A white guy? He’s from one of those countries close to Ukraine, which is now our greatest enemy, so no more white privileges for him. The great super-patriot Miriam Adelson had to trade him. She had to preserve the integrity of her Medal of Freedom, which we all know is superior to the Medal of Honor.”
“All that notwithstanding, a rudimentary analysis of that trade indicates Adelson could have gotten A LOT MORE in return for a superstar like Luka.”
“Like I said, she had to unload him. He is traitor-adjacent to Zelensky. She deserves a second Medal of Freedom for her sacrifice. Have you thanked her?”
“What? You mean have I personally thanked Miriam Adelson?”
“You have not thanked Miriam Adelson once since we started this conversation. This poor rich woman gets no appreciation for all her hard work in preserving the integrity of the Dallas Mavericks against an insidious foreign threat. That’s why she had to make the trade. Mainly. In what I’m sure was a secondary, very very very minor consideration, she spent so much money to buy her Trump-tainted medal, she could not afford Luka’s pending supermax contract. So she could not push for more in return.”
“Hm. Classic Republican negotiating strategy—give up your leverage first and then make a quick and shitty deal that kills the hopes and dreams of everyone you are supposed to be serving. You have to wonder, with no Luka and no Pornhub, how much longer will Texans keep voting for Republicans?”
“You already know the answer: after they die from mercury poisoning.”
