“Hah! You sure were wrong about the popular vote.”
“Yeah. That was shocking. And disheartening.”
“If by disheartening, you mean awesome, then YES. Everyone loves our Dear Leader! Of course his Victory was foretold since he started carrying the great big baby of our country.”
“Uhmm… what is that supposed to mean?”
“Trump is pregnant.* Haven’t you noticed his enlarged, oblong shape? He is carrying the future of our country in his generous belly.”
“Ok. Look, you won the election. You don’t need to trot out all these convoluted metaphors to hide your evil intentions.”
“There’s no metaphor here. Trump is pregnant, and one day in his second first term, after he’s fixed all our nation’s woes, he will give birth to the great white new hope who will ensure the continued success of our country.”
“He already has a Don Jr.”
“This is The Real New Hope. The Final Cut of the Trump Special Edition.”
“So wait… seriously… you are saying, you think Trump is actually, really pregnant?”
“Of course. With Trump, anything is possible.”
“Isn’t that a little … non-masculine?”
“How dare you! We don’t play with your woke pronoun games. Trump is all man, and he is pregnant.”
“And when is he going to pop a squat to give birth?”
“I never said he was going to squat. One day, he will be in the Ellipse, and he’ll lean a little bit forward, and our nation’s new baby will be born.”
“If he leans any further forward, he’s gonna fall over. Where is this baby coming out of…?”
“Haven’t you seen his magnificent waddle? Perfect for the Birth of our Nation. Just as Zeus birthed the mighty godlike Athena.”
“You don’t describe a god as godlike. They are just gods. And Athena popped out of his forehead.”
“Well, Trump will have to fix that mistake too.”
* Acknowledgment and appreciation for the inspiration, from Wizard of the Crow, by Ngũgĩ wa Thiong’o. Great primer for life under a dictatorship.
