“You know what else is weird…? I saw a Spirit Halloween store open in August?!?”
“They start earlier every year.”
“They’ve forgotten the true meaning of Halloween.”
“They can’t give us a minute to enjoy Labor Day before we have to buy bags of Snickers and fake witch feet.”
“They can’t wait, if there is something to sell and money to be had. Did you know that Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups is a possessive? They never want you to forget who is in charge.”
“If they want us to give away candy for almost two months, we shouldn’t have to pay for school lunches. My school district gives kids free lunches, but I did the math: it is costing me $7 per lunch per student in taxes. That’s $7 I pay, and my kids get nothing.”
“Your kids don’t eat? Or are they too full of peanut butter?”
“I mean they don’t go to that school. They go to the Mighty Heart of the Rapid Ascension and Limited Scope.”
“Sounds expensive.”
“Their lunches cost more than $7, I can tell you that. So I’m paying for that plus some other kid’s food.”
“Still, uhm, it’s good that kids have food to eat.”
“Sure sure yeah yeah. It’s a great program, and kids should get the proper nutrition. It’s just … we don’t get a choice. They force these programs on us.”
“That’s a great point. It should be voluntary, like candy on Halloween.”
“Right. The government doesn’t force you to turn on your porch light. You turn it on because you’re a good person. It’s a universal symbol.”
“And it’s a good lesson for the kids. If you want something for free, you have to go in person, look someone in the eye, and ask for it. They should know, food doesn’t just magically appear when you want it.”
“You see this 25-pound bag of Twix? I am going to give all this food away. For free. I should send that bill to my school board. Or get a tax deduction.”
“That bag costs more than $7.”
“And we don’t get any credit for it. Thanks a lot, Joe Biden.” [Only the last sentence was said with any irony.]
